Thursday, December 13, 2012

Baby Talk

Hi friends, 

I am pregnant.  I am very pregnant.  39 weeks and 4 days pregnant to be exact.  Our little one could come any day now.  



It's been quite some time since I've written, hasn't it? And now I'm showing up with a blog post that isn't even original.  Well, I wrote it.  But I originally wrote this to share with a group I was involved in at church.  But I think I'm ready to share it with you now.  Hope it speaks to someone out there.  So here it is:


The past year has been the hardest and the most amazing time of my life.  And that is because God is a God of restoration.

The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy.  And he did.  Last December, I found out that I was pregnant, only to lose our sweet little one that same week.

When we lost our child, I felt like I lost just about everything.  I hid inside of the pain.  I lashed out at my husband because he didn’t seem to be feeling the pain the same way I was.  I stopped returning phone calls.  And worship? What was once a time of freedom seemed like a time of torture.  Did I really even believe what I was singing?  Was I ever going to feel like I could sing without having to try to choke back tears?  I didn’t feel like I could talk to anybody about my loss.  It was just too hard. It hurt too much to talk about it.  And then I had to deal with compassion, and I’ve never been very good at receiving that.  So please don’t be hurt if this is your first time learning about this.  It doesn’t mean that I don’t count you as a close friend.  It’s just not an easy thing to bring up in a conversation.  “Hey!  How are you?”  “Well, my life seems to be imploding right now.  How are you?”  

The loss affected everything.  My friendships were suffering.  My marriage was suffering.  My job was suffering.  My faith was suffering. 

I still believed that God was sovereign, but I was searching for answers.  Why?  Why did I lose my child when his or her little life was just beginning?  Why did anyone who wanted a child lose them, while so many people were having children they didn’t even want?  Why didn’t I feel like I could talk to any of my friends about it?  Why wasn’t my husband grieving the same way I was?  How did this fit in God’s plan?  Was I supposed to learn some big lesson? 

And today, I still don’t have the answers.  And that’s ok.  In that dark time, I was able –by the grace of God- to hold on to what I knew was true.  God is sovereign.  God has a plan.  God is good. 

I still hurt.  A lot.  I’m still fighting tears as I write this.  But God is healing my hurt, little by little. 

On Easter Sunday, after a morning of celebrating resurrection and how life defeated death, we found out that we were expecting a little one again.  A few weeks later I was looking back through my journal, reflecting.  I was flipping through December, and saw an entry I wrote in the midst of the miscarriage.  I froze up, got chills, and broke down all at once.  We lost our first child on December 17th, 2011.  And the new little one is due to arrive on December 17th, 2012. 

What does it all mean?  Does it mean that every loss we experience will be filled within a year?  No.  But it is an amazing reminder to me of God’s faithfulness, His love for me, and His love for my children. 

So please, when you’re hurting, when you searching for answers, remember: God loves deeply.  God hurts when we hurt.  God brings life out of what Satan kills.  God restores, redeems, and renews.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

New Numbers

Hello!  

Here's another one of our little projects we've done recently- updating our house number.  

When we moved in, they looked like this:


Not bad, but pretty hard to see at night.  (We don't have exterior lights on the front of the house.  It's on the to-do list.)




The first step of our little makeover was taking the numbers down.  We took out the screws, but then had to pry them off with a flat-head screw driver. 


Once they were all down, I spread them out on a tarp.  


Here's what they looked like after 1 coat of oil-rubbed bronze spray paint:


And after 3 coats:
















After a fresh coat of paint on the house and waiting a few hours, the Hubs put it all back up for me.


Looks nice, right?




















We like it.  Hope you do too!


Monday, March 19, 2012

The Last 3 Weeks

In the last 3 weeks we/I:
-celebrated the Hubs' birthday
-celebrated Sawyer's birthday
-celebrated my birthday
-were both in a wedding
-organized a production at church
-hosted a Bible study
-taught three classes
-went on a retreat
-took my worship team kids to sing at a nursing home
-attempted to nurse a sick husband back to health
-tried to not get sick

So yeah, it's been a busy few weeks.

Also, since the last time I blogged, we've been doing lots of little projects around the house.  One of them was taking down the border in our bathroom.  This is what it used to look like:



And this is what our floor looked like halfway through.  Messy.  A wallpaper border graveyard.  

Because our bathroom doesn't have a fan (it's on the to-do list), the humidity has been prepping the border for removal for a long time.  It was much easier than I thought it would be!  (Unlike the guest room wallpaper, which has been much more difficult than expected.)


When I climbed up near our toilet, I got a glimpse of the top of our little medicine cabinet.  And I cringed.  SO MUCH DUST!  I am not good housekeeper.  Don't worry, once I finished taking down the border, I dusted it.  


By the time I finished with my little afternoon project, my arms were apparently too tired to take "after" pictures.  No worries, though.  I found these- along with an opportunity to embarrass myself.  Hehehehe... 

Before we get there, here's back-story.  During my last year of college, I moved in with 2 strangers who became some of my best friends within a few months.  And while we lived together, it became tradition to take pictures while we were brushing our teeth.  So when the little lady and her hubby came to visit a few weeks ago, we had to revisit that tradition.  

So feel free to laugh at our goofiness.  

And check out the lack of border in our bathroom!

















So there you have it.  More mini make-overs to come.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Loss

I've been wanting to write about this for a while, but haven't known where to start.  So I'll just keep writing and see where this ends up.

We've all experienced loss, right?  Loss of health, loss of time, loss of friends.  Most of us have experience the loss of a loved one.  The loss of a job, a loss of financial security, a loss of patience.

I've recently lost.  And partly because I want to spare you the details and mostly because I'm just not ready to go into it on the world wide web, I'm going to leave it at that.  I've lost.  And it sucks.

But in the midst of the suckiness, I'm finding hope.  Love.  Peace.  Comfort.

From some friends.

From some family.

From my sweet husband.

From my faithful God.

One of my other sources of hope, of comfort, is music.  Music has an ability to cut through emotional walls and pierce our souls.  And music paired with lyrics that are overflowing with truth is one of the most powerful modes of communication I can think of.

Since you've lost in the past, and will lose something sometime in the future, I wanted to share 2 songs that have meant a lot to me recently.

He's Always Been Faithful by Sara Groves is an all-time favorite of mine.  I couldn't find an official music video to link to, but just please do yourself a favor and go look it up so you can listen to it.  Here are the lyrics:


  Morning by morning I wake up to find
  The power and comfort of God's hand in mine
  Season by season I watch Him amazed 
  In awe of the mystery of His perfect ways

  All I have need of, His hand will provide
  He's always been faithful to me

  I can't remember a trial or a pain 
  He did not recycle to bring me gain 
  I can't remember one single regret 
  In serving God only and trusting His hand

  This is my anthem, this is my song
  The theme of the stories I've heard for so long
  God has been faithful, He will be again
  His loving compassion, it knows no end


  All I have need of, His hand will provide
  He's always been faithful to me


The other song that has meant so much to me in the last month and a half is Give Me Faith by Elevation Worship.  Here's a Give Me Faith video you can watch.  Here are the simple and super powerful lyrics:


    I need You to soften my heart
    To break me apart
    I need You to open my eyes
    To see that You're shaping my life
    All I am, I surrender

    Give me faith to trust what You say
    That You're good and Your love is great
    I'm broken inside, I give You my life


    I need You to soften my heart
    To break me apart
    I need You to pierce through the dark
    And cleanse every part of me
    I may be weak
    But Your spirit's strong in me
    My flesh may fail
    My God You never will


Little by little, I'm crawling out of this pit of loss.  Well, mostly I'm being pulled out; I can't take the credit.  Some days I don't want to talk to anybody.  I just want to sit in bed and cry and feel sorry for myself.  But most days I have peace.  A peace that I can't even begin to understand.  But I know Who it's coming from.


God has been faithful, He will be again.  


I think that will be my theme for 2012.  

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Merry Christmas

Hello Friends,

I hope you had a safe and happy Christmas full of family, friends, good food, a special gift or two, and time to reflect and worship Jesus.

It's been 6 months since I've written, and I feel like I have a lot to catch up on.

After our only functioning computer finally bit the dust, I decided that keeping a blog up to date with no internet and no computer was just too much to do.  So I took a break. But thanks to new news item #5 and being allowed to use my in-laws' internet, I'm now writing again!  So here's what's been happening in my life in the past 6 months:

#1- WE BOUGHT A HOUSE!  After casually house-shopping for a few months, then really house shopping for a few months, and making offers on 3 different houses, we bought one.  And we love it.  It's old, built in the 1920's, and it's a charmer.  It's full of sweet quirks, thick wood trim, a claw-foot tub, plaster walls, and love.  Lots of love.  I'll write about it more soon, with pictures and news on the updates we're doing.

#2- We became Uncle Dan and Aunt Karyn.  We welcomed our nephew Max to the world this summer and he's a fat, sweet, smiley, and much-loved addition to our family.

#3- We're expecting another little niece or nephew in April.  True to my sister's excitment-loving personality, she and her husband are not going to find out whether their sweet baby is going to be a sweet baby boy or a sweet baby girl.  I've been telling her that the baby is a little red-headed girl and her name will be Karyn, but she doesn't seem so sure.

#4- 2 dear friends have gotten married since I last wrote, and 2 more have gotten engaged.  I love being able to help with wedding planning. A summer wedding in Ohio, a fall wedding in Tennessee, a spring wedding in Ohio, and a summer wedding in Tennessee.  And all these weddings are a constant reminder of how beautiful my friends are- sweet, beautiful, godly women marrying handsome, kind, godly men.

#5- I have a computer! Wohoooo! Do you hear me screaming in my excitement? For Christmas, the hubs and my wonderful in-laws joined forces to buy me a used (but runs-like-it's-brand-new) MacBook Pro.  I can now write, listen to music, edit pictures, and feel cool from my very own home.  In a month or two, we'll get internet at home so we can catch up with the rest of the western world.  Or at least the rest of our little Cleveland suburb.

Well, in the words of Porky the Pig, abeeb-apupa-beea-ba-that's-all-folks.

I'm glad to be back.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Headless

Hello folks,
It's been a while.  Life just took me away on a whirlwind adventure of busy-ness, but I'm fighting my way back to sanity.  And blogging.  And half-way through writing this post, our computer had a breakdown and is currently refusing to stay on for more than about 43 seconds. But here I am, publishing this post that's taken two and a half weeks to write. Yikes.  I hope you enjoy it.

In my very first post, I said that I wanted to share with you the process of making our headboard.  Well, today is the day.  No more dilly-dallying.

First, let me tell you about my love affair with my bed: I love my bed.  I'm pretty sure it's the comfiest bed in the whole wide world.  If my bed could understand it, I would present it with a #1 BED trophy.  Or dedicate a day to celebrate it.  Or write a sonnet.  Or something.  I love crawling into it after a long day and curling up in between the fluffiness of the pillow topper and the down blanket.

But for many years (okay, a year and a half) our bed had a problem.  Don't get me wrong, I was still in love with it, but there was a big issue.  It had no head.  (board.)  There was nothing to stop pillows from being lost in the deep dark abyss between the bed and the walls.  Nothing to stop us from hitting our heads on the window sill when we were sitting up in bed reading.  And nothing to make our bed look as wonderful as it felt.

Here's how it originally looked.  Dark.  And lifeless.  And Dark.



















With a guitar and a cute puppy.

Then I got sick of how dark it was and bought us some beautiful light soft linen bedding for my birthday.  And it's wonderful.  But it made our room look very very VERY vanilla:













Vanilla bedding.  Vanilla walls.  Vanilla floors.  Vanilla lampshades.  Cute hubby.  Random red pillow.

But that's all changed now.  When my parents were visiting a couple months ago, we put them to work.  Warning: If you come to visit us, there will be no site-seeing or relaxing.  Just hard work.  But we'll feed you well.  No worries.  And ok, maybe you can relax a little.  My parents were willing subjects.  They said that they wanted to help us out with "a project around the house" but since we don't own the house, that limits what projects we can do.  So we decided to build the headboard that had been floating around in my brain for months.  My plan was a hybrid of Ana White's knock-off Mason headboard and my imagination. It was part genius, part insanity, part miscalculation, and part do-able.  Here's my initial drawing:














Beautiful, isn't it?  Can't imagine how I ever could have messed that up...  (please pick up on the sarcasm that was written with.) But we jumped right in and got to work.

Step #1 (not on the drawing, in real life.) was buying materials.

We headed out to buy some fabric, some foam, some wood, and a few other miscellaneous items.  After spending an hour in Joanns discussing what fabric to get with the Hubs, we decided on something I never would have chosen on my own (my tastes lean towards the plain, almost boring stuff), a beautiful green fabric with brown stitched flowers.  We wanted our headboard to have some comfy depth to it, so our plan was to go above and beyond batting and put some 2" foam underneath the fabric.  When we went to grab the foam, the price stopped us in our tracks.  After tossing around ideas, we saw that next to all the fancy foam were those egg-crate shaped foam mattress toppers.  We did the math and liked the price of those WAY better than the normal foam (less than half the price for the yardage we needed), so we snatched it up like popsicles at a pool party.

We then went to Home Depot (I'm usually a Lowe's girl, but Home Depot was right next to Joann's) to buy everything else we needed.  We had them cut everything for us right there in the store.

Step #2 was covering our plywood with the foam and the fabric.

This step took us all of about 15 minutes.  First I ironed our fabric (on a very low setting) to get any wrinkles out.  Then we cut our foam to size, laid it bumpy-side-down on the plywood and stapled it around the edge in a couple places.  If you're going to do this, you won't want to staple the foam anywhere other than the edges unless you want the fabric to look all dimpled.  This stapling is just meant to hold the foam in place until the fabric is in place.

Once the foam was in place, we laid the fabric right side down, then laid the ply wood with the foam centered on top of that.  Then we simply drew the fabric tight and stapled it in place.  Here's what it looked like when we were done with that step:














At this point, we could have slapped some legs on the sucker or mounted it right to the wall and been done, but i had a much more complicated vision of a pretty wood frame around it, so we kept going.

Step #3 was preparing the boards.

That means sanding.  And sanding some more.  And sanding just a liiiiiiittle bit more.

Once the boards were sanded and cleaned, it was time to stain them.  We chose to white wash them so they'd contrast nicely with the heavier fabric and kinda match the lighter, casual feel of our bedding.  



















Then we had to stop and watch and take pictures of the guys chopping down our neighbor's tree.  Feel free to include this step as needed.


















Cool, huh?
Once the boards were sanded, cleaned, and stained and the tree was down next door, it was assembly time.  Here they are ready-to-go on our floor, photographed with my wonderful, high-quality iPhone in our wonderful highly-lit living room:

(again, please tell me you got the sarcasm) 

We used all 1x3's except for the 2x4 crown.

For the assembly, we followed Ana White's plans, just substituting her horizontal slats for our plywood, foam, and fabric.

Yay teamwork!


The only other way we strayed from Ana White's plan was using good ole screws instead of a pneumatic nailer.  Don't get me wrong, I would've gladly done that, we're just still gonna have to save the moo-lah for a while before we buy the air compressor.  We didn't fill any of the wholes, because we were lazy because we only attached boards from the sides and back, which are well-hidden in our room. 

Once the headboard was assembled, the Hubs drilled holes in the legs to line up with our bed frame, ran a couple bolts through each leg, and we were done!

Between building the headboard and finally hanging curtains (curtains from Target- $10 a panel and curtain rods from Marshall's- $15 a rod), our room went from very vanilla to SO MUCH BETTER! 

And our bed is no longer headless.
Some day I'll fill the slight crack between the crowning 2x4 and the rest of the headboard (see that little bit of daylight in there?) but to be honest, it probably won't happen any time soon. 

Here's a close-up of one of the corners.  I like white-washing better than painting, because you still get to see some of the wood grain and all the knotty little imperfections. 
 
My advice for you if you're taking on this project?
-buy the best lumber you can- check it for warping by laying it flat on the floor of whatever store you're buying it from.  Our laziness in this step caused us to have some great lumber and some horribly warped lumber.
-take your time in the sanding/staining/finishing process- it makes a huge impact on the finished product.
-be careful of sanding the ends of boards too much, as this can throw off your measurements.
-thank your helpers a lot.  food, hugs, cards, money, and kisses are usually acceptable forms of thanks.
-keep the dog off the bed while you're taking pictures or they'll look like this:
Overall, this project took 2 days and around $200.  Totally worth it to me.  The room is still a work in progress but walking into it now makes me smile instead of putting me in a beige-induced coma. 

I think it was well worth it. 
Can't wait for Mom and Dad to come visit again!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Introduction: Mama

In honor of Mother's Day, I'd like to introduce my mama.
Everyone, meet my mama.


Isn't she cute?

Things you should know about my mom:
-She's little
-She sings like an angel
-She's an organizing and planning master
-She's quite the talented photographer
-She loves Jesus
-She lives WAY too far away from me
-She has beautiful hands (Is that weird?  I love her     hands.  They're little and soft and ever-so-graceful.  I always wanted hands like hers.)
-She is a gardening genius
-She teaches music to elementary students
-She gives great hugs
-She makes me laugh...a lot
-She's one of those crafty artsy-fartsy types

This is one of my favorite pictures of the two of us.  
















Yes, it's dark.
Yes, it's out of focus.
No, I didn't get more than 5ish hours of sleep the night before.  
But I love this picture so much.
This was taken at my big brother's wedding reception.  I was a little frazzled.  My mother was beaming and gorgeous. 

I am becoming more and more like her every day.  And I'm ok with that honored to follow in her footsteps.

I love you, mama.
Happy Mother's Day.



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